#9 - The In-Between-ers - Chula, Daisy, Lacey, Sassy & Breezy
For about five years during my thirties, I endeavored to have a horse again. Unfortunately, none of my attempts lasted more than a few months.
First there was Chula. She was a big, stout, energetic bay mare. As much as I loved having a horse in my life again, I felt so overwhelmed with motherhood, being an elementary classroom teacher, owning a business with my husband and trying to negotiate everything that goes along with owning a horse. I came up with the idea of getting a pony for my daughter, Krista. Once she was hooked on the thrill of riding, this would be something we could do together. Next came an ornery pony named Daisy. Within a few weeks, Daisy took off for home and dumped Krista on the way. This didn’t sit too well with her and only added to my feelings of distress. In a very short time, I sent Chula to Montana to live with my brother and Daisy found a new home with lots of kids.
A year or so later, I found a beautiful chestnut Thoroughbred filly who I named Lacey. I dreamed of her becoming my dressage horse. Lacey had always lived in a herd, so coming to our house was a bit of a shock for her to be alone. I read a book by Monty Roberts at about the same time I bought Lacey and tried so hard at liberty to get her to “join up” with me. Roberts made it look so easy, but it never happened for us. Since we lived in Arizona, hay was very expensive, hard to find and difficult to keep, so I decided to feed her hay pellets. Looking back, I see the mistakes I made of isolating her and removing her diet of forage. One morning I went out to feed her and she attacked me. She grabbed my shoulder in her jaws and bit down hard, breaking the skin and leaving a gigantic bruise! I had never been attacked by a horse; didn’t even realize that it was a possibility. I stopped going out to see her and begged my husband to feed her. I also insisted that the seller take her back, even though he couldn’t refund my money. I’m not sure if it was my fear or my feeling of betrayal that kept me from at least trying to reconcile with Lacey.
Sassy, a beautiful black and white Paint filly came into my life about 3 years later. She had a great start under saddle and was proving to be a reliable mount and partner for me. Krista seemed to enjoy working with Sassy, too, so once again I bought her a horse. Breezy was a white Appaloosa gelding who was as gentle as could be. Even though he provided her with drama-free rides, Krista’s interest waned quickly. I had never expected her to follow in my footsteps with horses; she was free to explore whatever interested her. About the same time, my husband stunned me when he moved out and demanded a divorce. Reeling from shock and faced with doing life alone, I made the decision to sell the horses. I knew it would take all of my emotional and financial resources to keep myself afloat. Sassy and Breezy were very easy to rehome; within days of advertising them they were gone. Gratefully, my marriage, however, was not gone and we managed to reconcile in the months that followed.
Looking back on my experiences with these horses, here are the lessons that I learned:
Owning a horse is a huge commitment. Even though I longed to have a horse in my life, I was not mentally prepared for the extra time, energy, emotional maturity and money that it would take to actually own Chula as an adult without my parents and trainer as support.
Horses need support in a new environment. I didn’t give any thought to transitioning Lacey to her new home away from her herd and without forage. It’s no wonder she lashed out at me. I might have been able to build a relationship with her, but I utterly gave up after her attack on me. I was fearful and felt betrayed, and was not willing to give consideration to her feelings.
Timing is everything. I had grown and was mentally prepared for Sassy and Breezy. However, the timing in my personal life was just wrong for taking on the commitment of having horses again. My children, job, business and marriage needed all of me, leaving nothing for my passion. I did what was in the best interest of my horses and my family by saying goodbye to that part of my life once again.
