I am deeply blessed and honored to be part of this group of heart-centered, horse-centered authors who are showing their vulnerability through their words on behalf of the horses and the shift in the way that we hold horses in our hearts. We come from 8 different countries in a collaboration to share with you our transformative, healing, and magical experiences that the wisdom of our horses has realized in our lives. Each of our stories will come to life with enchanting illustrations by Nica Ware. PRE-ORDERS ARE NOW OPEN! Because this hard-cover book will be published in Sweden, I will be selling in the US by pre-order only. I will be posting a lot throughout the summer to get this book into the hands of every horse-lover possible. You can order at a discounted price here and visit our website here.

My chapter in Unlocking the Wisdom of Horses

“Save me! Save me!” Although no words were screamed, the message flooded through my essence. My sweet mare, Mesa, was stretched out on the ground, gasping for air. Her visible eye locked with mine and “Save me!” permeated my being. My mad dash to assist the veterinarian was interrupted by my waking from this hellish dream. I was in a panic and unable to go back to sleep, while my heart raced and my mind whirred. 

I hadn’t thought about Mesa for quite some time, as it had been a couple of years since I last saw her leaving the property in someone else’s horse trailer. The first time I met her, she was one of eleven newly weaned foals; this darling filly captured my heart. I wasn’t even horse-shopping, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that we belonged together. I let this feeling linger until I finally went back two months later and bought her. Mesa spent two years with me, and she was the sacrifice I made when we moved from Montana to Texas to be near our grandchildren. Now, two years later, we were moving back to Montana much sooner than anticipated. I was contemplating bringing horses back into my life. I couldn’t get Mesa’s message from the dream out of my head. That morning, I popped onto a website advertising horses. As I was scanning the ads, my heart nearly stopped when I saw that Mesa was for sale. Clearly, I took that as a sign from God that she should be in my life again. I bought her that very day with the agreement that I’d bring her home when we got back to Montana the following month. I knew Mesa would need a friend, so without much thought, I bought a fancy yearling filly from the same woman. 

Upon our return to Montana I was reunited with Mesa and met Boston for the first time. I knew it would be thrilling to have horses again, but what I didn’t expect was the treasure I received in Boston. Looking back, I know without a doubt that Boston found me. This wise filly taught me more about the horse-human relationship in the short time we were together than I had learned in years. It wasn’t long before Mesa was telling me that she wished for a different life. She was bred to be a cow pony and spent hours looking over the fence at the neighboring cattle ranch. I had always envisioned her as a kid’s horse and so she went to live her best life on a cattle ranch with a young buckaroo as her partner. I was her placeholder until this special family had the perfect spot for her.

That left me with extra time and space for Boston. I always knew that I would write the story of us someday, but I thought it would be far into the future. You see, I promised she would be my forever soul horse. But I broke that promise as I gave up too easily when we moved and couldn’t find a place for Boston to live.That sent me into a downward spiral of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and overwhelming sadness. This left me with no choice but to embrace my own journey of personal growth. 

Losing Boston led me to some deep realizations over the coming months. I cried - no sobbed - every single day for an entire month. I sought healing support for the first time in my life. My therapist helped me to let go of the unrelenting grief and the feeling that I had let Boston down. She encouraged me to send my dreams of a new horse and an indoor arena out into the Universe. I did, sort of, without really believing I was deserving. After three solid months of grieving, I finally asked God why He had placed horses at the heart of my soul. Why had horses even been a part of my life, when time and time again I had to say goodbye?

I had a sudden shift in consciousness. All at once, I had an awareness that I had been learning so many lessons from horses. Among them, horses were there to teach me: 1) to love myself, 2) to be comfortable with what is, 3) to stop wishing I was somewhere else, 4) to surrender and allow, and 5) to let go of my attachment to people, things, horses, and places.

So I sent my dreams out again, but this time with an attitude of gratitude and expectancy. Two days after my new-found aha’s, I was offered the opportunity to board at an indoor arena within 10 minutes of my new home. Wow! Was I ever excited! I had finally learned my lessons and now I was being rewarded! My husband agreed that this would be the perfect solution to my horse addiction...until I actually went horse-shopping. It turned out that he wasn’t as supportive as I had thought, and my daughter reminded me that I had replayed this pattern so many times that perhaps it wouldn’t be fair to do this to another horse. I felt that my dream of having an equine partner once again was gone like a wisp of the wind. I was broken. Apparently, I had more lessons to learn and God was using horses as a channel for those teachings.

As I sat there in a heap of brokenness and overwhelming sadness, I realized that I had given my power away, and not for the first time in my life. I reached out to my son, who told me that my true power was in allowing myself to feel broken and grieving. And so I did...I was just so sad; not because I had let Boston go, not because my husband didn’t support me, but because my soul had been yearning for something that I easily gave up on. I was denying my true self again and it felt awful. With the support of reading and listening to Martha Beck and Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, I started rewiring myself from the patterns I had typically followed to a new way of responding to the way my deepest longings intersected with my reality. When Taylor said, “We are feeling beings who think, not thinking beings who feel,” I realized that I needed to allow myself to feel ALL of the feelings that I had been denying. I began using her  “Brain Huddle” strategy whenever I felt triggered, sad, hurt, or undeserving. 

Once again, I tentatively picked up my dream of having a horse in my life. Much to my bewilderment, my husband came to me and said, “I think you should get a horse.” No explanation, no reason, just get a horse. Whoa! Did I just hear that? Maybe I misunderstood. I let it sit there for a week or so and then cautiously started horse shopping again. 

A vision of a bay with a bit of white on the face and a thick, black forelock kept appearing. One day I opened up FaceBook and saw Glory, a 4-year-old Belgian Draft/Paint/Friesian cross; she WAS the horse in my visions! She was in North Dakota at a horse-trading ranch, where she had been for three weeks after transporting from another horse-trading ranch in Missouri. I knew nothing about her, but I felt in my heart that she needed to be in my life. Looking back, I know that Glory found me, just as Boston had.  A week later, she stepped off the trailer and became my new friend. Oftentimes, I find myself singing the song, “Unanswered Prayers,” by Garth Brooks and in those moments I realize that if God had answered my prayers about Boston, I never would have met my very wise mare, Glory.  I cannot imagine my life without her. Much like Boston, she is very sensitive, intuitive, and brave; however, she also demanded that I earn her trust.  I loved Glory, but she scared me! She is a big, powerful horse and she was aloof, braced, and wary; and when she was truly scared, she was a fighter.

Within a couple weeks, I thought I might be in over my head. But then a thought came to me that when we are scared, we become scary. Maybe what Glory needed was for me to show her that she didn’t need to be frightened. I thought about Boston a lot during those days. Since she had been with me as a youngster, instead of riding her I had spent a lot of time just being with her. I would visit with her, offer scratches and grooming, and meditate. I have always kissed my horses’ muzzles and whispered at their noses and this naturally became a part of our time together. Jim Swanner says this exchange of breath is a horse’s way of sharing her spirit with you. I truly felt a spiritual connection with her and I wanted the same with Glory. So I dropped my plans of riding Glory right away and began spending non-demanding time with her. This was one way I was able to show her that I cared. She began to relax around me as I was bringing a sense of peace to her world. I hoped that this time together would build her trust in me and foster our intuitive communication.

I have always been intentional about sharing my emotions with Glory. If I feel anything other than joy, even after slowing my breathing and grounding myself on the drive to the barn, I tell Glory and let her know that she’s not the cause of my unfavorable feelings. I do this as a result of a huge lesson that Boston taught me. There had been a period of time when she pinned her ears at me more often than not. It got so bad that I finally started remote sessions with Karen Partisch, an energy worker, to see if I could find a way to help her. I discovered that Boston felt that we had a close relationship and that she had some sinus congestion. I was also amazed at the deep relaxation Karen was able to bring about in her. During one of our sessions, Karen was sensing a clenched jaw, but it wasn’t Boston and it wasn’t the pony who lived with her. After our session, I shrugged it off until later that evening when a terrible pain consumed my head. I finally slowed down and took note of my body and was shocked to realize that my jaw was clenched. I had been very angry about something for quite some time, but hadn’t acknowledged my feelings. I kept stuffing that anger down, while appearing to be just fine on the surface. Boston must have picked up on this incongruence and her ear-pinning was letting me know that she didn’t appreciate it. I slowly began to let myself feel some of my feelings, but it wasn’t until Boston was gone that I truly allowed all of my feelings to be felt, and understood what she had been trying to tell me.

Another lesson that I had learned from Boston was the power of positive reinforcement. I had always given my horses a treat at the end of our ride, but I had never been one to use positive reinforcement in training. When Boston said no, she left me with no other choice. I pulled out all of my “tricks” from my horse show days and when none of them worked and no longer resonated with me, I had to find a new approach. Fortunately, I came across Karen Rohlf’s virtual arena for guidance in re-learning basically everything I had ever known about horsemanship. From the first day Glory came into my life, I have used positive reinforcement. When this mare feels pressure, she fights or braces. I was amazed that my first leg aids when I was riding her were met with attempted kicks and bites. Later on in our riding, I tried to get her to canter. I urged her on as she trotted and tapped her with the stick; she slowed to a walk; I tapped again; she stopped; I tapped again, and she braced all fours. Clearly, the pressure was not working. I finally got her to canter by hanging a bucket of grain at each end of the arena. Then I removed my pressure aids and replaced them with voice encouragement and a clear intention in my energy. Once she got to the end of the arena, she was rewarded with a bite of grain. It didn’t take long at all for her to catch on and today she canters quite easily taking her cue from my seat position and intention. I am so grateful to Boston for teaching me this lesson about positive motivation because I have never had to hear a hard no from Glory.

When Boston was two years old, that wise filly taught me another invaluable lesson. I had done some liberty training with horses in the past, and was taught that if the horse didn’t stay with you to chase her around the pen until she returned to you. I hadn’t yet attempted any liberty with Boston when one day we were out in the pasture together. She was feeling frisky, so I began to run around with her. After a few minutes, I felt a strong connection with her as she circled around me. I was able to change her direction and speed and draw her toward me. I had never felt this powerful connection in any other liberty work I had done before. When she was done, she left me and I was totally fine with giving her that choice. Once again, this is something that I started with Glory from the beginning. I let her choose to play at liberty; sometimes she does, but not always. I also let her choose to walk across the arena to pick me up at the mounting block, which she almost always does. When she chooses not to, I accept that too. Everytime she approaches, I’m reminded that when I first tried a mounting block with her, she wouldn’t come within three feet of it and standing calmly while I mounted was out of the question. Once again, giving her a choice and then sending her my intention is so powerful.

I truly believe that I can communicate with Glory through energy. It doesn’t happen all of the time, but there are moments that make me a believer. She is quite fidgety when being groomed, so I started visualizing her standing calmly with her head lowered each time I groomed her. One day, she was standing there with her head down and I wondered if there was something wrong with her. Then I recalled that I had been visualizing that exact scene for a week. Wow! When Glory came to me she was so tense, wired, and braced. She always held her head high with her back hollowed, and she was on high alert. I began taking her for long walks where I would match steps with her, breathe deeply, and practice moving massage, which is a valuable technique that Karen Rohlf teaches. We both began to relax when I was on the ground. Riding, however, was a different story. I realized that I still had a lot of fear in my body from some past back and neck injuries. I wanted to ride, but I didn’t want to aggravate them or get hurt again. I also wanted Glory to trust me so that she would be relaxed. As I sat there on her back, I suddenly knew that it needed to begin with me. Right there and then I began to trust Glory. I also started riding with a relaxed seat for the first time in years. She followed suit and let go of her tension as well.

I’m not an animal communicator, but I get clear messages when I’m with Glory. Are they from her? Am I sensing them because I get still enough when I’m with her to receive from God, or my higher self? I don’t know. But I do know that they are powerful and life-changing. Among the messages I receive, there are three that come often: love yourself, be authentic, and stay in your power. When I had Boston, my son had asked me, “What would happen if you loved yourself as much as you love Boston?” I didn’t understand what he was talking about at the time, but since sensing the love yourself message when I’m with Glory, I have actually learned to love myself by allowing time to rest and play, using kind self-talk, forgiving my mistakes, and letting go of perfectionism. When I’m with Glory, all of that love is reflected back to me. Being authentic and standing in my power are risky and mean that I cannot be concerned about what others think. Glory is the perfect example of a being who is authentic and stands in her power. She is such a wise mare! Glory does not have a big pasture with lots of friends and I only have a few hours a day to spend with her. The other day I asked her if she would rather have a different home with another human who could give her the things she’s missing with me. The overwhelming message I received was, “No, I’d rather be with a human who loves me for who I am, gives me choices, and honors my power. You are enough!” How did she know that these were exactly the words I needed? I am enough… I am enough… I am enough; and so are you.