#5 - My Sweet Little Mare - Lucy-B
Since my first two trainers had graciously let me show their horses, I easily became hooked on the horse show world! Now, at thirteen, I was ready for a show horse of my own, who I hoped would also be my forever horse. Lucy-B came to live with me in Montana from Tulsa, Oklahoma. She was a 3 year old gray Arabian who had the most lovely floating trot and such a kind eye. She was perhaps the sweetest horse I had ever met. I was fortunate to keep her at my trainer’s indoor arena and began the process of starting her under saddle right away in January. With my trainer’s watchful eye and assistance from the ground, I prepared Lucy for the spring and summer show season. By June, I was riding her in a double-bridle and we were ready for English saddle seat classes. I have since learned that a double-bridle is typically not introduced until a horse is far advanced in her training. At the time, I was following my trainer’s instructions, thinking I was doing the right thing.
Our first (and only) show season was very successful. We ribboned in all of our classes! My proudest moment was when we entered the Junior English Pleasure class at our biggest open show. This class was open to horses four years old and under both saddle seat and hunt seat. It was a huge class of 30 horses and riders, many of whom were professional trainers throughout Montana and the surrounding states. When the speaker announced the winners, I was shocked and thrilled to hear that first place went to Lucy-B!! As a young teen wanting a career as a horse trainer, this was definitely validation that I could certainly make my dreams come true!
Lucy and I were off to a fantastic start of our showing career together. Unfortunately, Lucy stopped growing at 14 hands and I continued growing to 5’6”. We no longer made the ideal picture for saddle seat Arabian competitions, so Lucy’s life moved in a new direction. My trainer and I became partners in breeding Lucy and selling her foals. This was before shipped semen was an option, so Lucy did lots of cross-country traveling to meet up with some fancy stallions. I rarely saw her or her foals because my trainer also had a barn in California where she would spend time as well. During the brief periods that Lucy did live with me, I spent time riding her bareback and bridleless (before neck ropes were cool). We just rode for fun out in the pasture since we were not preparing for competitions. I always look back on those special times and remember what a willing horse she was. Lucy had three foals in the time that I owned her. We sold them and finally Lucy, too. The money from these horses provided me with a lot of opportunities as I finished high school and headed to college.
Through this experience with Lucy, I became hard-hearted. I desired more than anything to be a horse professional and as such I stopped showing emotions and acknowledging my feelings of sadness when I said goodbye to my equine partners. I was taught that horse trainers don’t get attached; that buying and selling horses is just a part of the business. I also used training methods that I would never use today. When my spurs left welts on Lucy’s sides, I thought that I had come of age as a horse trainer. Writing this now makes me cry for Lucy and the lack of regard I had for her well-being and happiness.
Looking back on my experience with Lucy, here are the lessons that I learned:
Stay in your power. I completely turned over all decision-making to my trainer, both with Lucy’s training and our broodmare partnership. Although Lucy was my horse, I never had control over her life. At the time, I was very grateful that I had a winning show season with her and that my sweet little mare made me a lot of money. My trainer did what was in my best interest at the time.
Don’t turn your feelings off. It has taken me years to recover from stuffing my feelings down. When I heard the brain scientist, Jill Bolte Taylor say, “We are feeling beings who think, not thinking beings who feel,” I finally started to realize how important it is to let ourselves feel. It has taken me over three decades and a lot of health problems to realize this.
Your horse’s happiness matters. Although Lucy and I excelled in the show ring, we never had the kind of relationship that I have with my current horse. Looking back, I totally understand why. First of all, I trained her far too quickly and harshly. Then when she stopped growing, I sent her all over the country to be bred by different stallions and live in different barns. She never had anyone there for her to let her know that everything was ok.
Don’t sacrifice your authenticity to fit in. Because I had such a strong desire to thrive in the horse world, I lost who I was on a soul level. I willingly did what it took to be a winner, even if what I was doing wasn’t being me.
Make time for fun with your horse. Lucy and I enjoyed each other the most when we were riding around the pasture bareback with a neck rope. I had no expectations except to spend time with her and I am so grateful that I have these moments to look back on.
