#15 - In Perfect Harmony - Glory
As my grieving for Boston brought me to new realizations, I sent my dreams out for a new horse again, but this time with an attitude of gratitude and expectancy. Two days after my new-found aha’s, I was offered the opportunity to board at a barn and indoor arena that my friend had just leased. Wow! Was I ever excited! I had finally learned my lessons and now I was being rewarded! Mike agreed that this would be the perfect solution...until I actually went horse-shopping. It turned out that he wasn’t as supportive as I had thought, and I was reminded that I had repeated this pattern so many times that perhaps it wouldn’t be fair to do this to another horse. I felt that my dream of having an equine partner once again was gone like a wisp of the wind. I was broken.
As I sat there in a heap of brokenness and overwhelming sadness, I realized that I had given my power away, and not for the first time. I reached out to my son, who told me that my power was in allowing myself to feel broken and grieving. And so I did. I was fraught with sorrow; not because I had let Boston go, not because my husband didn’t support me, but because my soul had been yearning for something that I easily gave up on. I was denying my true self again and it felt awful. Apparently, I had more lessons to learn and God was using horses as a channel for those teachings.
With the support of reading and listening to Martha Beck and Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, I started rewiring myself from the patterns I had typically followed to a new way of responding to the way my deepest longings intersected with my reality. I realized that I needed to allow myself to feel ALL of the feelings that I had been denying. I began using Taylor’s “Brain Huddle” strategy whenever I felt triggered, sad, hurt, or undeserving. Eventually, I picked up my horse-dream again and decided that if I couldn’t have a horse of my own, I would start a horse-sitting business. During this time, I met a wonderful woman who offered me a ride on one of hers in a three-day horse clinic. Doors were starting to open.
Much to my bewilderment, Mike came to me and said, “I think you should get a horse.” No explanation, no reason, just get a horse. Whoa! Did I just hear that? Maybe I misunderstood. I let it sit there for a week or so and then cautiously started horse shopping again. I drove many miles and was not finding that perfect partner. One horse I tried actually bucked with me! As I searched for my next horse, a vision of a bay with a thick, black forelock kept materializing in my imagination. One day I was scrolling through Facebook and saw Glory, a 4-year-old Belgian Draft/Paint/Friesian cross; she WAS the horse in my visions! She was in North Dakota at a horse-flipping ranch where they called her Fresca. She had been there for three weeks after being transported from a horse-flipping ranch in Missouri where they called her Lakota. I knew nothing about her, but I felt in my heart that she needed to be in my life and that her name needed to be Glory. While I was waiting for her arrival, I started second-guessing my decision. I was walking through the grocery store and spied a case of Fresca soda in someone’s cart. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen so much as a can of Fresca, let alone a case, so I took that as a sign that I had made the right choice.
A week later, Glory stepped off the trailer to eventually become my new friend. I’m not sure which was greater, my thrill at having a new horse or my shock at the size of her enormous hooves! She was definitely part draft horse! I spent as much time with Glory as I could and was disappointed that she was very aloof and wary. Whenever I arrived, she retreated to a corner of her pen. Once I would get the halter on, she was a bundle of nerves, just on the edge of bolting away or freaking out.
Even though she was wearing shoes, she was not ok with having her feet handled, which made me wonder what had been done to her to get them on in the first place. About our third day together, I attempted to pick up her hind foot because I had scheduled the farrier to come soon. Her hooves were overgrown and the shoes needed to come off. As I lifted her foot, she pulled away. I gave her a slight pat on the side of her leg to say, “No,” and she followed by swiftly kicking and landing her hoof square on the palm of my hand as if to say, “Hell no!” When my farrier showed up, she trembled. When he started in, she started kicking to the point where we both thought she was going to need sedation. My very patient, calm farrier stayed with her and was able to pull the shoes and quickly trim up her feet. He came back a few weeks later, after I had worked with her hooves daily to give her a proper trim. It went much better except for one incident where she pulled a front foot away and literally pushed through me, knocking the wind out of me and leaving me flat on the ground.
I tried riding Glory during the first few weeks also. I had to tie her up short while grooming and saddling. Otherwise, she would turn her head and bite me. She would go close enough to the mounting block for me to launch myself on as she skittered past. Then nervously she held her head high and hollowed her back as she jigged around the arena. Glory constantly chomped at the bit, foaming at the mouth. Whenever I applied any leg pressure, she would either turn her head and bite at my legs or kick her hind legs up under to try to connect with my feet. She would not walk or stand still while I was in the saddle.
I began to think I was in over my head. I wanted to love Glory, but she scared me! She was big and powerful and we did not trust each other. I put together an ad for Facebook and called our local Amish breeder to see if he was interested in purchasing her. I quickly began to spiral downward again, feeling all of that guilt and shame from selling Boston that I had just put to rest. However, because I had a new-found love for me, I decided to try to love myself and Glory through our fear. A thought came to me that when we are scared, we become scary. Maybe what Glory needed was for me to show her that she didn’t need to be frightened. I also thought about how difficult it must be for Glory, knowing that I was at least her fourth owner in her four short years on earth. I knew in my heart that Glory was my last chance to fulfill my yearning.
So I dropped my plans of riding Glory right away and began spending non-demanding time with her. This was one way I was able to show her that I cared. Knowing that horses sense energy, I always sent loving, appreciative energy her way. She began to relax around me as I was bringing a sense of peace to her world. I hoped that this time together would build our trust in each other and foster our intuitive communication. I began working one-on-one with Shelby Hume, a coach in the Dressage Naturally program. Shelby encouraged me to go for walks with Glory, matching her footsteps and using a technique called moving massage. I also took her along with me while I stuffed hay nets, cleaned her pen, and dumped the wagon. One day, as we were stopped during our walk, Glory exhaled deeply and gazed at me with soft, trusting eyes. I knew at that moment that we were going to make it.
When I felt that Glory would be safe to ride, I tried again. I began by diagnosing what about having a passenger was causing her the most anxiety. Carrying the bit in her mouth and feeling my legs on her sides were the two things that really had her concerned. The bit was an easy fix; I began riding her in a bitless bridle. However, I couldn’t just remove my legs. Here I used a combination of deep breathing and moving massage on her sides while I was on the ground. Then I gently applied the moving massage technique with my legs while I was riding, along with our deep breathing. In addition, I realized that I still had a lot of fear in my body from my past back and neck injuries. I wanted to ride, but I didn’t want to aggravate them or get hurt again. I also wanted Glory to trust me so that she would be relaxed. One day as I sat there on her back, I suddenly knew that it needed to begin with me. Right there and then I began to trust Glory. I started riding with a relaxed seat for the first time in years. She followed suit and let go of her tension as well. Before too long, Glory was very relaxed with me on board.
These photos were taken a 9 months apart.
It seemed that all of her previous energy had been caused by tension and now that it was dissolved, she had very low energy. This posed another unique problem - getting her to canter. Whenever Glory felt pressure, as in a leg aid, she would either fight or brace. When I first asked for a canter, I urged her on as she trotted and tapped her with the stick; she slowed to a walk; I tapped again; she stopped; I tapped again, and she braced all fours. Clearly, the pressure was not working. I finally got her to canter by hanging a bucket of grain at each end of the arena. Then I removed my pressure aids and replaced them with voice encouragement and a clear intention in my energy. Once she cantered to the end of the arena, she was rewarded with a bite of grain. It didn’t take long at all for her to catch on and today she canters quite easily, taking her cue from my seat position and intention.
Glory loves silly tricks and I have found that playing with them gives her a huge reward for minimal physical effort. This has really helped her willingness under saddle, as she understands the concept of positive reinforcement. Some of her favorite tricks include getting my gloves when I drop them, finding a lid that I place in her shed, stepping on a feed tub, doing a Spanish walk, grabbing the rake, touching different objects that I point to, backing up, and moving sideways. She also offers to put her head into her bridle, stands at liberty (no halter or tying) for grooming and saddling, picks up her feet for cleaning by voice cue, and stands still for fly spray and bathing. Now when I stand on a mounting block, she will come and pick me up, sidling herself over to the position that allows me to step on.
About 18 months after I got Glory, we bought a new place out of town so she could be part of the family. Shortly after I brought her home, I decided to get her a friend. Joy was a yearling draft cross filly. She was huge and very sassy. Glory did not appreciate sharing with her and was very annoyed that she was there. After six weeks, I decided to sell Joy. She was too much horse for me to handle at the time and Glory was not adapting well at all. I couldn’t even ride Glory much because I was limited to riding in the pasture with Joy, where she literally crashed into us, or I taking her outside the pasture, where Joy would nearly go over/through the fence. When Joy loaded up and left us, Glory gave one look at the horse trailer and turned away as if to say “Good riddance.” While I was sad to see Joy go, I was happy to get my relationship with Glory back on track.
Having Glory at home gave us the opportunity to go trail riding. At first we started riding up and down the highway. Glory got used to all kinds of traffic, including motorcycles, tractors, and semi-trucks. Then my neighbor invited me to ride on his land, which has afforded us many adventures. We have seen deer, coyotes, wild turkeys, grouse, pheasants, cranes, and bears. Glory is calm, level-headed, and safe out on the trail. She is brave and loves to go exploring, crossing water and climbing hills. We put on about 20 miles per week year round.
Most horses don’t have a lot of choices in their daily life, so I try to give Glory choices whenever I can. One thing I do is groom and saddle her wherever she chooses to stand. Most often she stands right in front of her tack room, and even walks into the tack room to get her bridle on; but sometimes she prefers to stand in her shed or somewhere else in her pen. When I take her out to pasture, I put her grazing muzzle on and then wait until she chooses a gate. She has her choice of two different pastures. Sometimes out on the trail, when we get to a fork I let her decide which way to go. Once in a while, she chooses not to be ridden. I can tell when that happens because she gives me the “stink eye” and stamps her foot.
My grandchildren were here shortly after I bought Glory and at the time, it was dangerous for them to be near her. As I write this, Glory has been part of our family for over three years. Now the grandchildren can safely ride her, lead her, and play silly tricks with her. My granddaughter even made a horn for her so that she could ride her very own unicorn! Glory truly is a unicorn. She is a special, trusting, steady, loving, willing, calm, thinking mare. Our relationship is what I have always dreamed of having with an equine partner. I am so grateful to have her in my life and I know that my commitment to her is real and forever.
Looking back on my experience with Glory, here are the lessons that I learned:
Commit to a plan. I knew that I couldn’t navigate our recovery alone. So...I paid for private online coaching and I made a commitment to Glory (and myself) that I would post in the Dressage Naturally Facebook group weekly, interact with other group members to feel a part of the community, I would send in a question for the weekly phone call (and actually attend), and I would sign up for one-on-one coaching. Things I had done to support myself at that time were: I ordered a tripod so that I could take a weekly video, blocked out Glory time daily, gone through the Habits for Excellent Horsemanship class with her, scheduled time to work with the classroom materials each week, and I was working hard on my personal growth (it’s exciting/challenging to be learning so much about myself in my 50s). I had lots of goals for us, but above all else, I longed for our partnership to thrive and I yearned for her to shine in all her splendid Glory!
2. Intention is powerful. I aim to be intentional every time I work with Glory. I am trying to establish the habit of setting an intention with visualization prior to asking Glory to do something. One example of this follows. Glory was quite fidgety when being groomed, so I started visualizing her standing calmly with her head lowered each time I groomed her. One day, she was standing there with her head down and I wondered if there was something wrong with her. Then I recalled that I had been visualizing that exact scene for a week. While setting an intention is powerful, it doesn’t always happen immediately and may require a bit of patience.
3. Trust your intuition. When I found Glory, I knew that she belonged with me. However, buying Joy gave me a different feeling. I had set out to buy a Friesian cross for dressage, which Joy was not, but I fell in love with her without regard to her breeding, which was Percheron/Brabant/Quarter Horse. While she could possibly become a dressage horse, the odds were not in her favor. Joy bumped her nose a few days before I was planning to bring her home, so the breeder wanted to keep her a couple of extra weeks until that healed. I remember secretly hoping he would call and say that he couldn’t sell her afterall. The day I drove out to get her, I was feeling that I shouldn’t be doing this, but I had already made the deal and given a down payment, so I followed through. Had I listened to my intuition, I would have saved myself the pain of selling her, not to mention the pain of a broken toe, which she stomped on, and I would not have lost ground with Glory during the six weeks Joy lived with us. I was very careful about where Joy would go next, finding what I thought would be her perfect home. Unfortunately, when I checked on her two months later, she had been run through a sale because her new owner was divorcing. Knowing that compounded my guilt about rehoming her in the first place and I lost my connection with her.
4. Keep a positive outlook during a health crisis. When Glory was six, I took her in for a routine dental appointment and my veterinarian determined that she was metabolic. Most likely she has EMS (Equine Metabolic Syndrome). This is characterized by insulin dysregulation and obesity and can lead to laminitis, which is a condition that could leave a horse in horrible pain, unsound, and unrideable. Our first course of treatment was to eliminate grass from her diet and feed her soaked hay. I felt so awful for Glory with her feed restrictions and being locked in a small pen that all I did around her was mope and apologize. Before too long, she was sulking also. I realized that I needed to be optimistic and build her up. My new attitude seemed to perk her up as well. Navigating EMS has been challenging. I have worked with an equine nutritionist and gotten her on supplements that help stabilize blood sugar. We built a large grass-less pen and she gets to go to the pasture for one hour a day wearing a grazing muzzle. She is back to eating unsoaked hay, but from a hay net with small holes. This is my best attempt at simulating a horse’s need to graze 24/7. A huge factor in her health is regular exercise, so I ride her six days a week, aiming for her to break a sweat each time. She is still overweight, but her other symptoms are gone and she is happy.
5. Be brave. Glory has taught me to be brave. She loves trail riding, so we go as often as we can, which is almost daily. It has been a bit scary for me riding into the unknown. We have to ride a half mile down a busy highway, which is scary. We have seen bears and have been told there’s a mountain lion in the area, so that is scary too. But Glory loves exploring and she is willing to set out just the two of us. Occasionally, she gets a bit nervous and I let her know that she’s ok. But most often, I get the sense that she’s got me and will take care of me on the trail. Being out in nature has brought a sense of wonder and enchantment to my life and I have Glory to thank for being so brave as to enrich my life with our shared experiences.
6. Honor your horse’s interests. I really love riding dressage in an arena. However, Glory does not! In fact, she really dislikes riding in an arena. This has been a challenge for me. I had a choice: either sell Glory and buy a dressage horse or honor Glory’s interests and try something new. I am not a trail rider by nature, but I knew that I couldn’t part with her, so we do frequent trail riding. On the trail, I throw in a lot of dressage exercises, which are excellent for her balance, mobility, suppleness, and strength. When we ride in the arena from time to time, I try to come up with fun activities like going over ground poles and riding patterns that keep Glory interested.
7. Ask your horse for permission. This one goes against everything I was taught about handling horses, but it has worked wonders. I learned this from the Dressage Naturally program. One thing I ask Glory for permission for is putting her bridle on. I hold her bridle out in front of her and almost always she shoves her head into it. However, once in a while she turns her head away. So I take the bridle away. Then I try it again and see how she reacts. Almost always, she comes back and pushes her head into the bridle, but if she doesn’t I don’t push the issue. I either give her more time or I don’t ride. I am starting to ride with a neck rope here and there, so that may be another alternative once we are steady with this new style of riding.
8. Have a sense of humor. I have found that keeping my attitude light and playful enhances my time with Glory. When one of us makes a mistake, I try to have a sense of humor about it. A little giggle does much more for our connection than giving a sharp correction. I was recently on a group coaching call where we were challenged to make a list of all the things that our horses do that make us laugh. Here is my list:
When she picks up my boots, gloves, jacket, and shoes. She even chucked my muck boot about five feet away one day.
When she walks into the tack room and makes a mess.
When she stops to eat leaves off low-hanging branches on our trail rides.
When she walks away just when I’m about to put her hoof boots on, but then circles around and comes back.
When she steps onto the porch of the tack room with her front feet to get her belly scratched.
When she gently nuzzles my face or the back of my neck when she thinks I’m ignoring her.
When she kicks her hay ball, which is one of her silly tricks.
When she offers any of her silly tricks, thinking she’ll get a treat.
When she puts herself into the perfect position next to the mounting block so that I can climb aboard.
When she sidles up to the gate, so that I can open it from atop to begin our trail rides.
When she plunges her muzzle into the water tank and swishes it around.
When she grabs the manure rake out of my hands while I’m cleaning her pen.
Many of these things could be annoying, but I have found that laughing about them has helped me to be more light-hearted and keeps our relationship fun.
9. Be grateful. I am so grateful to have Glory in my life and this is something I tell her daily. Every time I climb aboard, I thank her for letting me on. Every time I dismount, I thank her for a lovely ride. I have been incredibly grateful for the opportunities I have had to keep Glory at my friend’s leased barn, at a new friend’s pasture when the lease fell through, for the home we were able to purchase so Glory could live with us, for an indoor arena I could haul to while waiting for my own arena to be built, for our very own outdoor arena, and for my neighbor who has given us the opportunity to explore the mountains. There is just so so much to be thankful for. I know that I am blessed beyond measure and I don’t take a single minute with Glory for granted. I know that she feels appreciated and loved as well. She has become the best horse I have ever had. And I have become the best me I have ever been.
