Supporting a Loved One During a Kundalini Awakening
Our son, Matthew, was a very sensitive, intuitive child. He was filled with wonder, curiosity, and love. As he matured, he changed. By the time he was a teenager, he often stretched the truth, was self-absorbed, and withdrew from our family unit. He was always successful - good grades, lots of friends, sports awards, worked a part-time job, and became very independent.
Matthew earned a college degree and started down a career path in management and sales. When he didn’t find happiness there, he became a full-time professional poker player. Matthew was independent for 10 years, never asked for money, and spent time with us when it was convenient for him. During this time, he devoured literature. His favorite author was the Russian, Dostoevsky. He identified with atheism and argued religion and politics with fervor. As challenging as it was to watch Matthew grow and change, we were also supportive of him, proud of his accomplishments, and always reached out to him in love. We realized that Matthew was an adult, and as such was forming his own life perspective.
Imagine my surprise when I talked with Matthew on his 30th birthday and heard that he was completely unraveled. He relayed the events of the past week, which had included a visit to the ER after taking 5HTP (a supplement for boosting serotonin), a prescription for Klonopin (a drug for severe anxiety), and his inability to use his intellect or care for himself. I was ready to catch a flight to Vegas to retrieve him, but he felt like he could drive to our home in Texas.
What happened over the following months is beyond anything we could have ever imagined. You can read Matthew’s story of his Kundalini Awakening here. I will not retell it, as it is his story and my version is clouded by my confusion, denial, desperation, and judgment. The time between his homecoming and our understanding that his Kundalini had awakened really had us in a tailspin. Matthew was filled with anxiety, fear, suicidal depression, and physical symptoms that led us to several ER visits, an EKG, an MRI, appointments with psychologists, therapists, and doctors of various sorts including a neurologist. He even had a short stay in a rehab facility to detox from Klonopin.
Looking back at our experience, I recall many things that did not help, some that did, and the blessings that have come from living through this tribulation with Matthew. Following is what I learned about supporting a loved one who is experiencing a Kundalini Awakening.
Things That Did Not Help
Pretending that Kundalini is not real - Just because you have never heard of or experienced something doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. I also realized that physical symptoms cannot always be explained by western medicine.
Being afraid - Matthew was dealing with enough fear. Projecting my own fear onto him only made matters worse.
Worrying - Constant worry took its toll on my health and did nothing to help Matthew.
Feeling guilty/responsible - This was the most difficult part of Matthew’s awakening for me. As his mother, I have spent years being responsible for him, keeping him safe, and helping to solve his problems. When he was in the grip of fear and anxiety and when past trauma resurfaced, I couldn’t help feeling like I had messed up somewhere as his mom. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy and safe and there were times during the early part of his awakening when he was neither.
Taking offense to his past trauma - Sometimes I felt like arguing or defending myself. My intention has always been to protect and nurture. It was hard to hear him talk about childhood trauma. From my viewpoint he was raised in a loving, nurturing home.
Trying to fix him - While it may be helpful to offer suggestions, thinking you are going to fix something from the outside when the only solution is internal and very personal will be futile. Matt has found very supportive spiritual guides who have led him to grow through this process.
Judging - I oftentimes had to remind myself that I was NOT in Matthew’s shoes, and as such there was no way that I could know/understand what he was going through. I have been a judgmental person all my life. This experience required me to lose that part of me.
Making my problems his - I felt like my shortcomings as a parent were in a spotlight during this time. Matthew had enough to deal with, so when I let my insecurities, guilt, and sense of failure show, it easily became too much for him.
Things That Were Helpful
Educating myself - I started watching videos and reading about Kundalini Awakenings. Matthew began sharing teachings from spiritual guides that resonated with him and I started following the ones that were relevant for me.
Praying - I have always prayed - a lot. I continued to pray a lot and prayed specifically for Matthew to find answers, a release from suffering, and a way through the darkness. During his suicidal/depression period, I often stayed up throughout most of the night praying.
Asking family and friends to pray - I enlisted close friends and family in prayers for peace for Matthew.
Sending love - I was intentional about sending love to Matthew. There were times when I would get physical sensations of love leaving my heart to find a place in his. I remember one time when he was in Spokane. He had called me and was in a state of constant hell. I stayed up most of the night praying and sending him love. The next morning he said that he had finally slept peacefully for a while for the first time in many nights.
Taking on his fear for brief periods - During one of Matthew’s hell realms, I asked to take on his fear. I laid in bed literally paralyzed by fear. I could feel it coursing through my body. Once again, in the morning he told me that he had finally had a brief reprieve from the fear.
Doing my own inner work - This has been huge. The more I evolve, the less I project my insecurities, fears, and neediness on him. It has been important for me to get support and to begin healing my own wounds.
Realizing that his past trauma may be from past lives as well as childhood - This really helped me understand that I would probably never know the exact trauma that he had endured and that I was not directly responsible for pieces of it.
Listening, holding space - There were many times when Matthew needed to verbally process what was happening and I was always there for him.
Being present - If I was preoccupied when Matthew needed to talk, it was very frustrating for him. I learned to stop, sit down, breathe, and focus. Eye contact and acknowledgement proved to be paramount.
Providing a quiet place where physical needs were met - We were fortunate that we had space in our homes which gave Matthew privacy and space during the times that he lived with us. He had a place to heal and create. We really enjoyed having Matthew join us for dinner each evening, took into account foods that he preferred, and made sure to make him feel welcome back at home.
Having compassion and empathy - Even when I thought I was being compassionate, Matthew would tell me that I had no empathy. I learned to acknowledge his pain and tried to truly understand his trials.
Giving him space - Matthew has told me that he feels smothered by my love. That is something that I am still wrestling with. I will continue to give him space even when I need/want him close.
Loving unconditionally - We have always loved Matthew without condition. Unfortunately, our desire for his success (which we thought was synonymous with happiness), led us to place too much emphasis on accomplishments (his and ours) while he was growing up. Sadly, we let ourselves succumb to the norms of our culture. Being loved and accepted based on achievements has never been our intention, but I’m not sure it was not our intention either. Now our intention is to love, period.
Acceptance - Matthew is not following the conventional career path. We rejoice that he has found a path (or maybe the path found him) that is true for his soul.
Self-forgiveness and releasing guilt - This has been huge for me. I have spent a lifetime in the space of guilt. Being a working mom, I never felt like I could balance all of the roles I had and because of that I always felt guilty about something. Clearly, I made mistakes parenting Matt and it was (still is) important to forgive myself and let that guilt go.
Being honest with friends/family about him - This was tough at first. I was afraid that people would judge. Now I realize that integrity is all that matters.
I have been blessed with witnessing the transformation of my son into a spiritual guide. The character traits of the little boy I once knew have returned. He is sensitive, intuitive, accepting, and loving. It is truly amazing to see the way that Matthew is able to support others with similar struggles. People are seeking guidance and as a result, Matthew is building a business that is empowering him to be independent again after several years of evolution through a Kundalini awakening. Even though we have many miles separating us and we don’t share conversation often, I feel that our souls are bound now more than ever. I actually awoke from a sound sleep at 3:00 this morning and could feel my heart sending love to him. Perhaps he was having a rough night, maybe he needed extra love and peace sent his way, or possibly I needed to share the love that I have with him. Our experience has been humbling, challenging, and enlightening. There have been times when I wished it wasn’t happening, but I can see now how necessary it has been. I truly feel flooded with grace as I revisit the path we have traveled.
