4 Questions

I was preparing to head to the barn the other day, when I realized that all of my “barn” jeans were in the laundry. Remembering that I had a pair of riding pants, or breeches, I set out to find them. They were tucked away in the back of a dresser drawer, hardly ever worn, heck they looked brand new. As I was about to step into them, I had a thought, “You are not worthy to wear these riding pants. Who do you think you are? What kind of horse woman are you anyway? People are going to think that you are trying to be an equestrian.” Actually, that was quite a few thoughts and they stopped me in my tracks. Whoa! As I considered NOT going to the barn that day based on my pants situation, I had another thought. “Is it true?” This question popped into my head and came from Martha Beck’s book, The Way of Integrity.  In it she outlined a strategy developed by Byron Katie simply called The Four Questions. I gave it a try.

Thought: I am not worthy to wear riding pants because I am not a good enough horse woman.

Question 1: Is it true?

Answer: Well, sort of. I don’t feel completely confident about training my horse, Glory.

Question 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Answer: Well, actually I have a lot of experience riding and training horses. I was riding and showing stallions as a teenager. I have given exhibition rides on a stallion that once traveled as a solo act with the Royal Lipizzan Stallions. I have started my own horses under saddle. Heck, I’ve started horses for other people. Gee, I gave riding lessons at one point and was hired by a horse ranch to train and show their horses. Hmmm, my self-trained Arabian filly and I actually won a green horse class with 30+ horses (and professional trainers) once upon a time. I am curious about horse training and always striving to learn more. Sometimes I actually feel like the more I learn, the less I know. Right now, in fact, I am taking an online course with live support from my coach. So no, my first thought that I am not worthy to wear riding pants because I am not a good enough horse woman is NOT true.

Question 3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

Answer: When I believe that thought, I lose confidence in myself as a horse woman. I feel small, I feel like taking my horse to a trainer, and I feel undeserving of such a special animal.

Question 4: Who would you be without that thought?  

Answer: Without that thought, I am a confident, talented equestrian who values learning and is curious about the next step with my horse. I am someone who will reach out to get the support I need to take my skills and Glory’s training to the next level.     

I stepped into my riding pants and headed to the barn ready to spend the afternoon learning and growing together with Glory. With my newfound confidence, I was able to see some major improvements in the exercises we had been working on. I truly believe that horses are our mirrors, so when I showed her my assurance, she showed me hers. Later when I was at home, I ordered another pair of riding pants!